ramblings

You can't help but think, is this supposed to happen? We all know things happen for a reason... even the bad things. It'll get better, right?

So many things I try for but it seems the end result is always the same. It doesn't give me much motive to try. God's in control, but he's not. He doesn't have the remote and he doesn't control us, but he puts up roadblocks and roads to lead us in the right direction... it doesn't mean that we always pay attention to them. We go our own way. When something bad happens we blame and when we're not blaming someone, we think why is this happening. So personally, I struggle for the answer why.

Why does my boss hate me?
Why can't I find the motivation for school?
Why does it feel like we're fallling farther apart?
Why do I care so much?

I'm trying to realize these things are here to help me grow as a person.

People say don't worry what others around you think...isn't that selfish?

I'm finding out where I am is not where i'm supposed to be. The worship band is not for me. It's not where i'm supposed to be. My goal and the goal of the worship band is basically the same... to worship. When I think worship music, and i mean stereotypical worship music, i think cliche words and chords made into music that say the same thing, repition. I just like praying before a meal, it's done so much it's easy to forget our main motive. I think it's okay to focus on the music just as much or even more than the words. That's why i don't belong in the worship band. I love playing though.

Grace make your way to the well,
To those who deserve it.
After all they've earned it.
But vain, it's in vain,
'Cause they don't need it.

A song by As Cities Burn, Awesome music, and lyrics that talk about the christian faith, but doesn't tell God what he is.

God is a father. To me that means someone to keep me in line, not someone i can tell my deepest secrets to. I'm not used to going to him (don't get offensive because I didn't put "Him") for help. I like feedback. I like someone saying "dude, that sucks." Prayer is hard, for me at least. I'm in my head a lot and sometimes that's all prayer feels like... God, to me, feels like my friends in New Jersey, I know they exist but i don't see them. God talks back through the bible. Lucky for me, I HATE reading. Even if i did it's a lot of stuff to read through. How do I know he's talking to me when this book was written more than 2000 years ago?

ramblings

i don't think i'm supposed to be here

I was locked all day in the summer heat,
In a small brown house in Suburban Street,
With a skateboard and my shit guitar,
I'd dream all day that they would get me far,
My dad would ask me about my grades,
The asshole sports that I never played.
And then I'd ask about the girls he'd date,
Behind our backs when mom would stay up late.
It was near when I turned sixteen,
got kicked out of school,
And so it seemed,
things were closing in
And ready to blow,
My dad moved out about that year or so,
It took an hour to start a punk rock band
To offset my fucked up family land
And as I held my mom would start to cry
I swore ourselves a better life

If I had a chance for another try,
I wouldn’t change a thing
It's made me all of who I am inside
And if I could thank god
That I am here, and that I am alive
And everyday I wake
I tell myself a little harmless lie
The whole wide world is mine

The summers gone, the years have passed,
My friends have changed, a few did last,
The smallest dreams got pushed aside,
The largest ones that changed my life,
And all I wish for was come to pass
From rock and roll, to love and cash
It’s all success if it’s what you need
Do what you like and do it honestly

If I had a chance for another try,
I wouldn’t change a thing
It's made me all of who I am inside
And if I could thank god
That I am here, and that I am alive
And everyday I wake
I tell myself a little harmless lie
The whole wide world is mine

Rite of Spring - Angels and Airwaves.


Think about it...

...it's all for a reason

you suck...not really

so things are frustrating.....soccer, friends, well only a couple of friends, but still frustrating. i really want to cuss up a storm right now but i'm afraid of who is going to read this. Barely anybody uses blogger anymore but still... there a chance someone might read it. Normally i wouldn't care but the wrong poeple can read it and i could get in trouble. Soccer has just become a popularity contest. Hey, surprise, something in high school is a popularity contest. Right now, the team is nothing but a bunch of immature bitches....oops. I don't like telling people my problems anymore so if someone does happen to read this.... just forget about it, please.

Luminous Luminescence In The Atlas Position is such a great CD by ANathallo. I personally liked them better when they were like this. I like how they sompletely rock out in a song and then mellow it out and it meshes perfectl. Loveee!!

...i should remember there is God once in a while.

old habits

um...... i forgot what blogger means but i was inspired to use this again. basically my life is work, soccer, and school. School isn't hard for me, just long. Soccer is good... for the most part. My team pisses me off a lot but it's okay. I love playing under the lights, that's the only thing i will miss about high school. i'm going to miss high school soccer. Life is good right now, what can i say? i'm busy but it's okay.

i want to write music.... always.

i just lost interest in this blog...any further questions your can direct to my secretary.

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah





good i'm glad I got that out. That's a load of my chest

Corn fireplace insert.... heat and good for the ozone layer (we should treat him nice)

Kingdom of Loathing - A good time. Everybody should get an account. www.kingdomofloathing.com

To die for someone, it shows a great deal of courage and compassion. But all of us would die for someone in an instant if we knew we would comeback to life. Jesus died for our sins....so what he knew he was going to rise from the dead, what's the big deal? We say Jesus died for our sins...but we should say Jesus suffered for our sins. He was tortured.... a lot. He felt so much pain. If you ask someone "If you had to die by drowning or a gunshot which would you choose?" Most everybody would say gunshot because it's instant and it's over. Jesus cried and asked God if there was a way out of this. Jesus....was "scared." It shows how much God loved us.

AANNNNDDD....cut!